edge of reason

characters : person1 aka A, and person2 aka B

the story goes : A and B tho' hav lil' in common, they spoke of love and sex - of themselves with others. spendin time tog dint deter their knowledge of their vast differences in life experiences and beliefs. jus as they were to part their ways after a day of companionship, the goodbye kiss lingered. everythin else became a blur since. A thot the fateful kiss had latent implications, or rather, consequences. B agreed, but dint think as much of it. but it did feel delishly good. A set off to pursue the same magic experienced with B. amidst differences and oh-so-similar temperaments, an affair took place. with A bein the giver, B the receiver. or rather, A bein the one who gave B more than B cood handle. the emotional strain was now apparent and plain for all to see. so was both parties' strong reluctance to budge. then B retaliated. enuff was enuff, B fled. A hadnt severed the rope even then. despite feelin relieved and even bein a cheerier person now, B coodnt shut A out. B came bac, with a list of terms for mutual compromise. ironically, a forced agreement was unknowingly set. but not for long. communication reached a different realm. everyone was tokkin. but noone heard. tempers flew. spewed words were only of spite. love was irrecognisible. was it stil there? - was it ever present? - B took the last straw, or so it seemed at that moment, and announced for all activity to stop. no more tok of love, of hate. no more acts of love, of hate. no more correspondence  . . .  one day A wrote B a letter. the way things looked thru' A's eyes. A saw love while B cood only see hate. wen A saw reason, B saw irrationalism. - B stopped. thot. felt. - shood B continue the repeatin charrade? or shood B continue to stop?

i dreamt my best fren got married. but she wasnt happy. she coodnt say why. she coodnt tok. but she wanted me to listen.

it was a dark dream. i thot abt her the rest of the day. tho' i know she's fine in reality, i know i'v neglected her. i do hope the dream served as a reminder, and not a warnin. i do hope . . .

sexuality, sensuality

trend of today : more and more men and women are startin to question their sexual orientation. amidst the different sets of numerous labels each gay community generates especially thru'out these couple of decades to satisfy each individual's need for identity, frankly, there are stil always insatiable ppl. more confusion sets in, in recent years, wen even the hetrosexuals start to voice out their "internal explorations/doubts/struggles/boundary-breakin", searchin for new categories to slot themselves under. metrosexuals, bi-curious, . . . i dont know names.

seriously, wat is in a name? does the datin pattern of a person determine his/her sexual orientation? is it all jus about sex? attraction = sex? or wil inevitably lead to sex? i'd been yearnin to return to my younger years wen my datin scene was all about love and infatuations. i remember the first time a guy tried to get physical and i cringed. i cringed also at that first time a girl tried to get it on with me. after years of wat seemed like (mild) hedonism, love&infatuations hav found their way bac into my life. well, with a vengence. hmm. i equate datin to sensuality more than sexuality, in most cases anyways. makin the term "sexual orientation" sting my eyes.

we'r in an era of name-callin. i, too, tend to put on a tag. i tagged myself, "straight-but-twisted". (original, as far as my knowledge goes.) am not comfortable with the terms, bi, bi-curious, multi-plug, . . . and i know am definitely not as staright as a line, nor am i a lesbo. i dont wanna be labelled accordin to my sexual experiences. seriously, how many hav i got, and under wat circumstances? i dont fuck everyone i am into, neither am i into everyone i fuck. well, that shdnt be the case anyways, if you get my drift. urm, okay, dont drift with me.

i believe in feelin and lovin and bein fond of and attracted to someone. seriously, out goes categories, looks, wealth, gender, and so on for me. despite my episodes with women since puberty, gimme a break and dont judge me. dont label me as a can in a supermarket. dont search for me under the dewey classification. call me fleetin, call me a phobic. i dont give a flyin rat's arse. i am me.

lately, i'v been acquainted with the lesbian scene. tho' am stil pretty much a greenhorn and an ignorant one at that, i feel i'd probably known more than i'd like to. think gays are like activists, knowin exactly wat they want and fervently pursuin it? think again. we'r all human and many are stil lost. no matter wich social group we get to belong in. tis not a bad thing. i find it real fine. i hav my share of pie in different groups, am not complainin. am not fleetin, am jus not confined. there arent no blacks and whites no more. we'r all greys. aint that a better place since new age philosophies aim towards unity of the world anyways? am not a follower, but i do see the logic. lesbians are about female attraction towards the female species. then wats the logic behind butches and ftm (female transformation to male)? if women wanted a mascline/male figure to love, why not get a man instead? i havnt a bone to pick with anyone. in fact, i hav frens belongin to these "kinds". am cool, their cool. i'v had crushes on girls since school days, and the first girl i really liked was a butch whom my girlfrens thot was an actual guy. then, my frens told me i liked her coz she's almost like a guy and hence am straight. either that or tis jus a puberty phase bein in an all-girl school for 10 years. but hey, i dated men then too. and also girls who look like girls. my frens mus had been afraid that their dear fren wood cause them to be associated with the gay community. so i see now. twas a conspiracy. lol. point is, 'i believe in feelin and lovin and bein fond of and attracted to someone. seriously, out goes categories, looks, wealth, gender, and so on for me.' guess the only label i hav that am proud of is bein one of my closest frens' "faghag". am not all-encouragin with him bein a gayman (or now-bisexual? *wink*), but hey am beamin coz he considers me his faghag.

kay, i'v completely lost my train of thots. wats the topic again? bah!

 wat in the world . . . ??!

our world is weird and sick. got more than enuff sources to quote on that. the followin are excerpts from my all-time favourite aussie telly prog, ROVELIVE. click on the orange links for the official articles on the followin stories. worth some good laughs . . .

Joanne Pusey, Beckenham, WA, spotted this sign outside Shoalgaven Hospital, Nowra.

"It's okay Mrs. Harris. We've found you a new heart but we're just going to go and look at the ducks first".

Any excuse to say "fuck": The Austrian village of Fucking has voted to keep its f*cking name, despite English tourists constantly stealing its signs. (Parents, relax. It's named after Mount Fuck, so it can't be rude at all.) Fuckity fuckity foo.

Too much love will kill you - Adulterers beware, more people die having sex with a lover than with their own partner. Which means either that adultery is more dangerous, or just more likely to get your heart going.

Infertility inconceivable - Top marks to the German couple who tried everything they could think of to conceive a baby, except actually having sex.

This entry, thanks to Andrew Tattersall, about an issue that threatens to blow up in all our faces. (Warning. This link contains blatant use of the phrase "exploded penis.")

Death by sexual frustration - Asteroids might cop all the blame for killing off the dinosaurs, but at least one scientist thinks it was a lack of females. What would make a scientist think of a lack of females?

"I can't see your jewellery, I've got something in my eye" - Eyeball jewellery. EYEBALL JEWELLERY. Eyeball freakin' jewellery.

Boobs are funny - And if two boobs are funny, how much funnier would four boobs be? Multi-breasted action here.

This guy gets a standing ovation - Heck, if boobs are funny, then permanent erections must be hysterical. But permanent erections that attract crowds? That's something else altogether.

Edumacation for sale: A US uni student has started an eBay auction to pay for her uni degrees. The winning bid gets to pay her fees and receives an unframed copy of her degree in return. Sounds like a fair deal...

Afghani soldier caught having sex with donkey: Here's a story about an Afghani soldier who was caught having sex with a donkey. No, seriously, that's all it's about.

Wanted: Dead actor to give lifeless performance. If you're an actor looking for work, and planning to be dead by the time the show starts, then do we have the gig for you.

Is that a surgically attached arm in your pocket? Spanish doctors attached a man's injured arm to his groin for 9 days, before reattaching it to the more traditional location. Those nine days were the happiest days of his life.

Airborne attack cow -- I've said it before and I'll say it again. Beware of falling cows.